I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
