I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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