you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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