That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
