I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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