idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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