Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
