The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I supernannyed him into submission
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
