I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
