Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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