Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
