My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
