As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
