What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
