Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
