you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
