When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
How external is "for external use only"?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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