her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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