If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
