I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Randomize
