Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
