Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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