I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize