I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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