So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
