All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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