He uses pillows to masturbate.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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