your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
