You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
