he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
