I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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