There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
third nipple confirmed
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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