Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think im going to throw up on grandma
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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