If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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