god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He passed out mid-signature
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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