Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
