chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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