I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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