you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
