your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
