I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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