Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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