honey bunches of taint.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
