Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
