You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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