someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
