There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
