Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
