My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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