You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
