be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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