Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
