Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
