Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
