Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize