Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
