ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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