But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
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Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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