I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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