Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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