Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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