I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
