I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
