You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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