my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
worst night to have a conscience
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
