who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
