now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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