Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
