im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
