We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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