I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
