I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
