Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
