Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
