Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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