I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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