There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
