Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
